Breaker of Self

So I’m sure that most people dread interviews and the whole process leading up to that point. I know I sure do and I find that the feelings and struggles have intensified as I’ve gotten older. I have held positions in both the private and public sectors, and I definitely prefer the private sector process, at least the old school process lol, not sure what hoops they make you jump through nowadays!

There were many times where I was able to walk into a place of business dressed in professional clothing and resume in hand, have an engaging, transparent, and respectful conversation and walk out with the position and my head held high. I do hope this hiring standard is still in place! In the public sector, oh boy is it so much different and as I’ve learned more about myself, I’ve come to realize what a broken, biased, not inclusive process it is and it actually makes me physically sick.

Everything is competency, merit based. From the screening questionnaire to the written assignment and finally the actual interview. I have seen so many situations where amazing people who I feel would be great for the position are instead passed over because someone knew how to “navigate” this competency-based system and win, even if not completely truthful or transparent. After I was diagnosed as neurospicy and started to learn and understand myself better, I realized how this hiring system was created without factoring in neurodiverse individuals, therefore setting them up to essentially fail and slowly erode what makes them unique and incredible.

I have fought so incredibly hard to be where I am today and in my recent years, I’ve been fortunate to come across amazing individuals who are genuine and solid. I’m learning to advocate for myself in an environment that is neurotypical and intimidating. Thankfully, I am seeing meaningful conversations start and things slowly start to shift. Across the board, I hope this continues and that more amazing, neurodiverse individuals start to feel heard and empowered, and find the courage and strength to add their voice to evoke much needed change.

It’s hard, life in general is ridiculously hard, especially when doing life in a world not designed for you and without your village, without community, is exhausting and alienating. I hope that you start to come across amazing individuals who can walk alongside you, and be a pillar, to help you keep going, even when it’s tempting to just throw in the towel. Please take time to be gentle with yourself, to hit the reset button and start taking little moments to build yourself up and feed the truth of how incredible and valuable you are, even if others can’t see that yet.

With care,

Angie